A Year Ago Today, The Story Of How My Motherhood Journey Began
- Kaja Cardinal-Bilou
- Dec 18, 2016
- 4 min read
On December 17th, 2015; Kyven & I decided to face our problems head on
& begin our journey as parents. December 14th, is the day my pregnancy was confirmed. I can easily say that I can't believe how things turned out a year later,& it makes me so unbelievably happy. This is the story of how it all happened.
In early December of last year I had that feeling you get when you suspect you're pregnant. But a bunch of early pregnancy symptoms that I was getting also made a factor. I was getting sick during smoking, eating everything in sight, getting extremely tired; & my body was so sore. Despite the fact my period wasn't due for another two weeks, I needed to find out as soon as possible for my own sanity.
My best friend of now 7 years, & the godmother of my child Hilary was coming back to Canada after being in germany. I was almost too scared to tell Kyven as our relationship hadn't even been going on for a month yet, but some part of me needed to tell him I suspected I was pregnant as soon as possible. It was nowhere near as scary as I thought it would be. Anyways, so last year I was very, very poor. My job didn't pay well & I spent too much money on smokes & junk food. So I asked Hilary if she could possibly purchase me a pregnancy test when she came over. She was in shock obviously, but she did.
This was now the 10th of December. I took the test, scared beyond belief as I was only 17, broke, in a new relationship & had always thought if this situation ever occurred I would abort. I took the test & it showed up negative. For some reason I just knew it was wrong; I knew I needed to take another test, & soon.
So I told Kyven what happened & that I would need him to come with me to take another test. I ended up finding the pregnancy care centre & that I could pretty much drop in at any time & take a test for free. So the following week on December 14th, the day that Kyven & I both had the day off would be the day our lives changed forever.
We went in, Kyven waited in the waiting room & I went ahead. All I can say is that the test turned positive in seconds. This is when everything changed for me. I recall saying 'Wow, would you look at that. Cool.' Literally, word for word was my first reaction to confirming my pregnancy. But at this moment in time; I felt more lost that I ever did. The woman continued to tell me my due date; August 22nd 2016 & that the baby's heartbeat would start in 5 days. (As I was 4+2 at this point). She gave me a journal which I still have & told me to write down the pros & cons of every option (at first I thought it was dumb but boy did it ever help).
I came out of that room. Clueless. Not wanting to tell Kyven what I just heard as I was scared he wouldn't want to go through with it & that it would just hurt more. I still had abortion on my mind but it was slowly starting to go to the back of my head. I told Kyven the result. We had a pretty big silence. We ended up going to mcdonald's & eating pretty silently. We headed home & didn't really speak of it. I'm sure at this point we were both pretty shocked & unsure of what we should do.
The next couple days we both ended up working & not really seeing each other very much or getting the chance to speak about much. These next couple days I kept saying abortion, but didn't feel that way at all as time went on. I was getting the worst ever implantation pains, & ended up taking some painkillers that I shouldn't have, I'm just glad nothing happened.
Then December 17th came along. I worked in the kitchen, & it was a friday. I wouldn't dare try to call in any other day as I knew it would be so busy. But this, was much more important. I couldn't work. I had to make my decision right then & there. I honestly didn't even call into work. I went to that journal & did exactly what that lady told me to do. I wrote down all the pros of cons of every option. Afterwards, I realized I couldn't live with myself if I chose abortion or adoption. I needed to finally face my problems head on. I was going to be a mother.
This is when I got nervous. Kyven would be home soon and I'd have to discuss everything to him & finally tell him what the woman had told me at the pregnancy centre. I was so nervous, but some part of me knew it would work out & everything would be okay.
Kyven came home & I told him. I told him everything & how I felt, I showed him the list I had made. He was silent as he read all of it, then looked at me & said 'So..this is happening' I nodded, and we ended up hugging for a long time; we both cried. This lasted for about 10 minutes. I was so unbelievably happy we were on the same page & felt the same about the whole situation. We immediately went to rexall & bought prenatals. I came home & downloaded like, every pregnancy app & took my first 'bumpie'. (Pictured above). 2 days later I called my grandma & told her. Only a few select people knew for a while.
3 days later I quit smoking cold turkey. & January of 2016 just a couple days after my first ultrasound we announced my pregnancy. & I am so damned grateful for all the positive feedback I've received since then. & Now, a year later from deciding to go through with my pregnancy, I'm living in a beautiful home, happy as can be with my four month old Knox & my amazing boyfriend Kyven. Nothing is easy, but when you work through it the result is beautiful.
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