Fed Is Best

It breaks my heart to write this, but I fear my breastfeeding journey may be coming to an end. I had a different subject picked for this Monday's blog post; but I've decided that'll be posted later this week. This is really bothering me & I must write about it.

If you follow me on snapchat or know me a bit more personally, I'm sure you know I exclusively breastfeed Knox. I've had the luck & pleasure of doing so for nearly 4 months. It definitely has NOT been easy. Through struggling with supply issues for 2 months, latch issues for 2 months aswell. It resulted in many frustrating moments; feeling like a failure, but I never gave up. & I'm sure as hell not ready to give up quite yet.

Ever since the beginning of this 4th month, Knox has hit a growth spurt & is in his fourth mental leap; thus cluster feeding. Also after his vaccines he took to eating for comfort. Usually my supply adjusts, but not this time. Sometimes he eats three times an hour; that kind of cluster feeding. & Knox, gets super hangry. It's ridiculous. So at times when I attempted to breastfeed him, he'd get so frustrated and impatient because my letdown takes a while, to the point where he is screaming & won't even try; therefor formula comes in the mix.

No, I'm not dehydrated; I'm drinking so much water I could throw up. I eat the same as I have the past couple months. I'm trying to pump as much as I can but it's been hard as he's been so high maintenance as of late. I bought some oatmeal which will hopefully help, & I'll be able to order some euphoric herbals to really boost my supply in the next couple weeks. Although pricey, I know it's bound to work (check out their instagram, I'll put the link at the end of this post).

But today, I really broke down. He wouldn't latch long enough & had to give him formula yet AGAIN. I cried. I felt like I've failed myself & my son, for not being able to give him the thing that's best for him. But then I realized, how all the other mothers who have been through this feel.

The ones that have tried everything but can't produce, or the little one won't latch no matter the struggle. The ones that managed to breastfeed for a select time but not as long as they wanted. Then I thought back to the last visit I had with my family doctor & thought; THANK GOD for formula.

Without formula, babies would starve to death. Babies wouldn't be getting what they needed. Sure, breastmilk is the best, but starving your child is not an option. Back in the day babies would starve to death because formula hadn't yet existed. I am so thankful to live in this day & age & have the alternatives we have, & how far along formula development has come with all the options there are now.

Knox is happy, whatever we give him, no matter the type of formula, whether breast or formula, he's good; it's food. (I'm lucky he tolerates so much so well). He's fed, we're making sure his needs are met. & actually; I wouldn't be able to calm down if it wasn't for Kyven. He's been there for me A LOT this past week. Making bottles, cleaning them, calming him down while I make them, & especially supporting me through my breakdown today. He said the simplest things & it made me think & calm down a lot, my journey isn't over quite yet.

Right now, I'm managing to produce enough to feed him every second feed. Kyven is feeling more connected to Knox as he gets to feed him more & calm him down, it's not just me anymore. I've come to the conclusion that neither formula feeding nor breastfeeding is less stressful, they really both do have their struggles.

With breastfeeding, there's the latching issues, the producing issues, the constantly being to only one to feed them. Breastmilk metabolises faster so, more frequent feedings. The struggles of anxiety & feeding in public places, drinking so much water you want to puke.

With formula, there's finding the right one, making a bottle as fast as you can, constantly cleaning them, boiling water, shaking it up as fast & vigorously as you can without spraying the bottle everywhere, also formula smells like so gross to me. Oh & I can't forget the biggest part; that shit ain't free, even the powder is pretty pricey which I find to be complete & utter bullshit.

So, this is my current breastfeeding/motherhood journey struggle. As I said, I'm far from giving up. But if nothing changes in a month, I might just keep supplementing (hopefully!) Wish me luck. I really don't want to spend 80 dollars on supplement pills & keep having to buy formula, but hopefully I'll only need the pills. I'll do whatever it takes so this journey doesnt end just yet, I've made a promise to myself to make it to a year if I can.

Euphoric Herbals: https://www.instagram.com/euphoricherbals/

#thinking #motherhood #mumlife #breastfeeding #fedisbest #motherhoodstruggles #mumdiaries #motherhoodrising #thoughtsofmum #blog #momblog #youngmumunplugged #mommyblog